They’re your kids, not thiers.
Have you ever visited family or friends, only to be passively-aggressively told how to parent, or that your kids have behaviours that need to be addressed by a doctor?
Parenting is a deeply personal experience, and visits with family or friends can reveal unspoken judgments or generational differences.
Older relatives may rely on outdated norms or medicalized views of behaviour, while others project their own insecurities or parenting philosophies.
When the people you love openly express concern about your child, it can be hurtful.
Every child develops at their own pace, and your community of support have no authority to say what is right. I have known family members who feel uncomfortable with the neurodiversity, emotional expressions, or physical appearances of children.
Judgments and advice givers are often driven by their extreme values or anxieties. You’re the only one who knows what your child needs. Never lose sight of that!
In the past, I’ve felt the sting of judgment. I had to set boundaries and limit access to my kids to reclaim my calm and confidence.
What can you do to get through it? Below are my suggestions:
1. Pause and assess: Before reacting, take a breath and recognize the comment for what it is. It could be a projection, not a diagnosis.
2. Set boundaries calmly: Use neutral language, such as “We’re comfortable with our approach” or “We’re working on what’s best for our child.”
3. Redirect or disengage: Shift the conversation to safer ground or excuse yourself if needed.
4. Debrief later: Discuss the moment with your partner or support network to process your emotions and reaffirm your parenting values.
5. Prepare for next time: Have a few go-to phrases ready so you’re not caught off guard again.
If you’ve felt unseen or criticized in your parenting journey, know you are not alone, and you are not wrong for the choices you’re making for your child. Sometimes you get it right, sometimes you don’t. Life is like that; burn in, and in the end, you are the one making those decisions.
You have the right to raise your children in a way that reflects your values, your love, and your truth.
Let go of the need for approval from those who don’t walk your path. Protect your peace. You’re worth it. xo
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